c”,) *F-O-R-E-V-E-R*

How can you battle regret when it’s all that’s left to keep the memories from fading away? But what good would it bring when all it does is make you feel the bittersweet and experience time and time again the drama of a story that’s long been over. And you can’t help but wonder, that despite the sudden goodbye, the thought of what might have been won’t seem to surrender, silently it fights the slamming of the door and the heartbreaking songs, it is made alive by every glance and awakened by the gentle smile. . . but who exactly is the person that’s breathing life to all these might have been? I guess that’s the more difficult question than figuring out whether memories will last if the thing that helps you remember is suddenly stolen. . . thrown away.

Is it the one who held the right star and painted rainbows while you cried? or that familiar hand  that broke your heart twice but never asked for another chance? Maybe it’s the one who seemed walking towards your life but never really got there. Perhaps it’s something that used to be sweet that you’re awaiting to come back home to you. Funny that these thoughts never surface once the face starts to hold that smile. How the sound of innocent laughter cover the long line of repeated broken promises. And I begin to ask, if I no longer cast you my smile, would you ever notice it? or if my laughter shifts to a different mode, would you know the difference and care to ask why? But it’s better to keep it all here than actually ask, because the thought of you answering my questions is heartbreaking, ‘coz ’til now I can’t really say who keeps the memories alive. And I would hate to realize that I gave the right chance to the wrong person. . .

I’ll wait until I can. . . Keep my silence and just smile, ‘coz I don’t want to end up the way you did. . . thinking you’re moving, but you’re going nowhere.

It’s nice that you’ve got that fire going on, eventhough it gave me all these ashes. But honestly, I can’t be happier for this space in between. It gives things a different feel and reveals what is concealed when we’re near. I’ll just hope you’ll keep the fire burning until the day that my feelings will coincide with my words, because if you give her ashes before I finish throwing mine, we’ll never be in this same place again, I can’t allow you to cast your shadow on my wall. For the moment that you would, all these that I’ve carefully drawn might be erased. I’ve come to realize, when it comes to you it’s still better for me to stay invisible, ‘coz to be in your colored world, would mean heartache for me and misery for you.

In an instant it felt like I am back to where I used to belong, not until someone asked me that question. I realized that thoughsome things never change, others really have to be changed, even if you don’t want to. In fact, it wasn’t just a realization, it was something that really opened my eyes on how full my life could be if I let GOD have His way in me.

Flipping the pages everyday wasn’t that easy. some days felt longer and lonelinier than the others. But I never doubted that right decisions will yield good results. And it did, although it took some time, it does’nt matter to me, at least it happened, at least I never stole anybody’s happiness to be okay in life.

We all need to grow as individuals and growth requires change. Yes, I knew about this truth, but it’s only now that I embraced it fully. Ofcourse, it takes a lot of courage to rise above downfalls and disasters but that’s not the only thing we should do to reach far in life, because what matters most is knowing what you’re living for, and being sincere about it. ‘Coz no matter how strong you are you’ll never be truly happy if you’re LOST- - - lost in an illusion that your hands are clean and you never caused anybody pain.

Everyday I receive undeserved love and grace, that’s why there is no reason for me to go after people and demand an apology from them, ‘coz my future is not with risking for a piece of someone’s time. After all, when today is yesterday things won’t stay the same, but it’s nice to know that memories won’t go too far, and sometimes memories are all you’ll need because they are better than people themselves. . .they are fixed and immovable far from the indecisiveness of people (- -,)

In an instant it felt like I am back to where I used to belong, not until someone asked me that question. I realized that thoughsome things never change, others really have to be changed, even if you don’t want to. In fact, it wasn’t just a realization, it was something that really opened my eyes on how full my life could be if I let GOD have His way in me.

Flipping the pages everyday wasn’t that easy. some days felt longer and lonelinier than the others. But I never doubted that right decisions will yield good results. And it did, although it took some time, it does’nt matter to me, at least it happened, at least I never stole anybody’s happiness to be okay in life.

We all need to grow as individuals and growth requires change. Yes, I knew about this truth, but it’s only now that I embraced it fully. Ofcourse, it takes a lot of courage to rise above downfalls and disasters but that’s not the only thing we should do to reach far in life, because what matters most is knowing what you’re living for, and being sincere about it. ‘Coz no matter how strong you are you’ll never be truly happy if you’re LOST- - - lost in an illusion that your hands are clean and you never caused anybody pain.

Everyday I receive undeserved love and grace, that’s why there is no reason for me to go after people and demand an apology from them, ‘coz my future is not with risking for a piece of someone’s time. After all, when today is yesterday things won’t stay the same, but it’s nice to know that memories won’t go too far, and sometimes memories are all you’ll need because they are better than people themselves. . .they are fixed and immovable far from the indecisiveness of people (- -,)

this is difficult for me
to watch you erase that line
he once tried to walk on.
it hurts me when i realize
that though you’re trying
there’s nothing you can do
to make those memories meaningless.
so, i’d rather be nothing to you
than be something and end up broken
‘coz you never allowed me inside your world
and i’m not sure if i’m enough for you to stay.
but i tried waiting here for you
though you never looked my way
‘coz you were always searching out there.
that’s why we end up the same way all the time.
you, out there wandering and wondering
if love is enough reason to be more than friends.
and me here, praying, hoping, waiting
if you can be the happiness he wants me to have…
but like you, i’ll keep a safe distance
so you won’t know something happened
like you never wanted me to know
you once tried to love me like he did…

that line has been there

long before we knew each other this way

and sometimes, (when i get the chance)

when i look at you and your smile

that line seems invisible

but the more we step towards it

the more it becomes vivid,

the more i’m frightened…

‘coz i know winning you over

would mean defeat for me…

you’re used to crossing lines

and you’ve crossed a lot already

but if it’s my line you’re planning to cross

think again and think hard

‘coz i’m tired of playing games

they’re shallow and unfair…

so, if you’re not real

STAY WHERE YOU ARE

I’LL LOVE YOU MORE THAT WAY

and besides anything that’s fake

will eventually fade…

but sometimes a part of me wishes

that when your mask is off

you’re still the same you…

oh well, i’ll keep off from that line this time

‘coz i almost crossed it once and i cried…

…you asked me what made me silent? what made me stay? and why despite all that’s been said and done, i’m still here very much willing to lend a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on?…

…i thought long and hard about it and i even convinced myself that after all these time, i finally knew why. but the answers i had didn’t do me any good. they weren’t able to shield me from the cruel reality that the distance we’ve created will only lead to coldness. and so i searched for the reason behind all that happened. why the sudden change? why that glance?…but the more i tried to find a solution, the more i became confused…

…not until i heard someone said :"THE WORLD IS TOO FRAGILE TO BE UNTRUE AND LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR LIES. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, ‘COZ YOU WASTED MY HEART"…did i? did i waste your heart? was i untrue and did i ever tell you lies?i know in my heart that i never did anything that would hurt you, that’s why i said i wouldn’t say sorry, ‘coz there’s nothing to be sorry for, and i honestly i don’t regret the decisions i made…

…now i finally know why i’m still here…"just because", there’s no need for reasons, i’m just here. it might sound foolish and i might come out as a hypocrite, but that’s the truth…i guess when you fully grasp the beauty and importance of friendship will you be able to bear everything without heaviness in your heart…

…thank you for seeing me thru, for believing in my goodness and for the countless times you listened to my silence. for the unquestioning arms that held me all these time and for the smile that eased the private pains i keep. i love the times you share a piece of your life with me and for that, thank you, coz you helped me to be invisible no more…

(bawal kasi mag naming names, kaya if feel mo na impact mo life ko as you read the message (last paragraph lang ha) then it’s for you Ü, I LOVE YOU! MWAH2!!!)

…oh well, this is it, next month will bring in so many happy memories. take note "memories", meaning their from the past, something that will never happen again. kaya there’s no point thinking na i’m doing this coz i want those times back. kasi i’m super okay with the share of happiness that was given to me before, there’s nothing more i can ask. i’m not naman kasi the kind of person who would do anything as in anything para lang makuha ang gusto ko, i know how to be satisfied kasi in this life that’s so important, dahil if you don’t know how to be satisfied then you’re in for a big trouble. you’ll get what you want but in the end, you will realize the tears you shed are the price you have to pay for snatching the smile that rightfully belongs to someone else…

…nwiez, so mao na ni, happy lang gyud ko kasi kahit na everything’s so different now, the distance and the space doesn’t equal naman to "oblivion", siguro it just takes time to sort things out, get back the pieces that should be part of the whole and throw the ones that are of no use anymore…

…there’s so much more that i want to say, i guess i’ll just write all these things down and make a letter, oh…i miss those letters, i really, really do, i miss the talks and walks (though they are just super few), i miss the smile, the laughter, i miss everything most especially the corni stuff, but that’s all that i can do for now, miss those things and be happy for the year that was…

…i’ll end this na, kasi baka overjoyed na kaayo ko, : "when it’s time to cry, we can cry together know that i’ll be with you, with you through whatever. when the times get rough know that i will be right by your side, i’ll be right by your side"…

…last na gyud, hee3, i wonder… how’s draghen na kaya?!?, hope he’s just fine…

"SO SABI KO NGA PRANG THANK YOU SOMETHING KO 2 PARA DUN SA 1 YEAR OF HAPI NA FRNDSHP NTN.HEHE!"

THIS IS IT! HAPIT NA MAG-END ANG SUMMER.I GUESS IT’S ALSO TIME TO CLOSE WHAT SHOULD BE CLOSED BY NOW. TAMA GYUD NA EVERY PERSON THAT COMES INTO OUR LIFE IS FOR A REASON AND SOMETIMES MAG STAY LANG SILA FOR A CERTAIN SEASON. WHEN YOU’VE ALREADY LEARNED WHAT YOU OUGHTTA LEARN, MAO NA TOH! STORY ENDS…GOODBYE!

"WHO IS LOVED THE MOST?: THE 1 THAT WAS CHOSEN ‘COZ THAT PERSON’S EASIER TO FIGHT FOR? OR THE 1 THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND ‘COZ TO FIGHT FOR THAT PERSON WOULD MEAN REALIZING YOU MIGHT NOT GET THE KIND OF LOVE YOU NEED?"

BASICALLY MAO LANG MAN JAPON AKONG SUMMER. IT’S NOT THAT BAD AFTER ALL. IN FACT SUPER HAPPY KAAYO AKONG SUMMER THIS YEAR. I GOT TO DO A LOT OF THINGS.SO WHO EVER SAID THAT WHEN THINGS CHANGE THERE’S NO WAY TO BE HAPPY ANYMORE?(HEE3) I MEAN WHY SHOULD I CARRY IN MY MIND THE PICTURE OF SOMEBODY’S DISAPPEARANCE? YUN ANG GUSTO NIYA, POINTLESS NA KAAYO NA MAGWAIT PA SA IYANG RETURN OR SOMETHING. KASI NGA DIBA SOBRANG MAGKAIBA ANG "MAHAL" SA "MAHALAGA" & YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU NEVER SAID YOU LOVED ME, I’M SUPER AWARE OF THAT. THERE’S NO NEED NA MAGPARINIG PA. I KNOW I WAS JUST "SPECIAL" FOR YOU, YUN LANG…SPECIAL, NOTHING MORE NOTHING LESS. TAMA NGA NAMAN ANG LOGIC NG MGA PANGYAYARI, ANO NGA BANG LINGAW KUNG PIPILIIN MO ANG ISANG TAONG HINDI MO PWEDENG MAKASAMA =(.

"THE ONE PERSON I’M NOT WITH IS THE ONE PERSON I LOVE" -WHAT ABOUT BRIAN?

YEAH, NA REALIZE KO YUN DATI PA. NA TIME WILL COME YOU’LL FEEL IT’S BETTER TO BE WITH SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO ANYTIME, SOMEONE YOU CAN BE WITH ANYWHERE, SOMEONE YOU CAN HOLD…AND THAT SOMEONE IS NOT ME, SHE’LL NEVER BE ME. SO WAHT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY BUT "THANK YOU", SA 1 YEAR NA YOU HELD ON TO WHATEVER PROMISE YOU GAVE ME. I’M HAPPY NA AT LAST THINGS FELL TO THEIR PROPER PLACES IN YOUR LIFE. FUNNY LANG KAY AKO DI-AY ANG MAWALA SA PICTURE, KASI ALL THAT YOU FEARED I’D DO TO YOU, YOU ACTUALLY DID TO ME. PERO WAZ NA TOH, I’M NOT TAKING IT AGAINST YOU, THAT’S YOUR CHOICE, YOU DON’T OWE ME ANYTHING ANYMORE.

THANK’S FOR THE RIDE…DO’T FORGET: "WHAT GOES AROUND,COMES AROUND" c",)

HE3,SABI SAMIN NG TEACHER KO NUNG COLLEGE TO REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE,DON’T JUST THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX DESTROY THE BOX! "WHEW!" SO "UNSAON NA NI?" I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. KASI SAYANG NAMAN ANG BOX DIBA?!? (HE3) IN MY LIFE,THERE REALLY IS A BOX THAT I’VE KEPT FOR SO LONG NA.DATI EMPTY PA SIYA, KARON NAA NA CYA’Y LIFE,BUT THEN AGAIN,GI INGNAN NA SAD KO NA I SHOULDN’T KEEP THINGS DAW NA DAPAT MEANINGLESS NA BY NOW..PERO, SHOULD I REALLY DESTROY THE BOX? I MEAN ISN’T THAT A REACTION OF A BITTER PERSON WHO CAN’T SEEM TO FACE LIFE’S REALITY? NOW YOU MIGHT BE THINKING KUNG GI UNSA OR ASA NA ANG BOX,WELL OF COURSE WALA NAKO GI LABAY, THE BOX’S STILL IN ITS USUAL PLACE WITH THE USUAL THINGS INSIDE IT.WHY SHOULD I BE AFRAID OF IT? IT ONLY HOLDS SOME MEMORY I’M SURE WOULD GIVE ME A GOOD LAUGH (WHEN I NEED ONE :),SOMEDAY)

NEVER NAMAN TALAGA AKONG NAWINDANG SA BOX EH, AND WITH WHAT’S INSIDE IT. YEZ,IT REMINDS ME OF HOW PEOPLE LIE TO JUST SAVE THEIR FACES, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, THOSE THINGS ARE ALSO A REMINDER OF HOW PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE SOMETHING WORK. MAO NA NG GINA INGON NA "THERE’S ALWAYS TWO SIDES IN A STORY", IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU,ON HOW YOU CHOOSE TO VIEW IT. AKO, I’LL CHOOSE TO VIEW IT AS AN INSPIRATION FOR ME TO PERSEVERE IN ALL THE THINGS THAT I DO, AND SYEMPRE TO LEARN TO TRUST EVEN IF I HEAR OTHERS SAY I SHOULDN’T. PERO SYEMPRE THE MOMENT NA MURAG LAHI NA IMONG MA-FEEL,WELL, START TO EVALUATE EVERYTHING, KASI MOST OF THE TIME HINDI LANG YAN DAHIL PARANOID KA,SOMETIMES MAY REASON TALAGA WHY YOU SEEM TO DOUBT A PERSON’S FAITHFULNESS AND LOYALTY TO/FOR YOU.

KAYA I MADE AN EXEMPTION, I KEPT THE BOX BUT WHATEVER I FELT FOR WHOEVER GAVE THOSE THINGS TO ME,IS ALREADY "OUT OF THE BOX" ALANGAN NOH!?! SUPER NAKAKAHIYANG MADISCOVER KO PA SA IBA NA I WAS JUST PLAYED ON.ABI NAKO I FOUND GOLD, FOOL’S GOLD LANG DI-AY TOH, NALIBA KO DAH!?! TSK3. PERO CHOX LANG, AJA PA RIN, IWAS JUST SUPER SINCERE KAYA NABLIND AKO SA OTHER THINGS. WISH KO LANG WALA NA KO’Y MADISCOVER NA MGA EMPTY WORDS FROM LONG AGO, KAY MURAG HAPIT NA MAGRUN DRY AKONG PATIENCE SA MGA TAO NA IN REALITY, UNDESERVING GYUD BAYA KAAYO.

NICE KAAYO ANG LINES SA SONG SA HERCULES NA MOVIE SA DISNEY "HE’LL SOON DECIDE,WHY DENY IT? FACE IT LIKE A GROWN UP" GO! LUPAD NA HABANG KAYA MO PA, NOW YOU’RE NO LONGER LONGING FOR SOMETHING THAT’S UNCERTAIN, KASI THE ONE WHO’S BESIDE YOU IS 100% REAL (ALTHOUGH SOME MIGHT THINK OTHERWISE). CHOX RA NA, I KNOW YOU’LL ALWAYS CHOOSE TO BELIEVE WHAT SEEMS REAL FOR YOU (EVEN AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS :c ).